I can't believe I didn't write the Stag Dream down in this blog. Well, its not like my mind has been clear. But tonight, I have to get the story down so I can go to sleep. 

On September September 12, Stephen and I had the same dream about a White Stag. Here's what I put on facebook: "Y'all know metaphysical isn't unusual for me/us. If you're around me long, you know weird stuff happens, its part of my normal life and always has been. OK, so yesterday morning, I wake up from a weird dream and wonder what it has to do with anything. 

It fades into the daytime and I don't think much about it. Stephen said later: I had a weird dream as I was waking up, but i was awake. We took Mom home where she could "go" and not be in a hospital. We took her to her back porch. A huge stag, a buck was bowing down in front of Mom and he had does around him." 

I cut him off and asked "He was white or really light, too. Did yours have fuzz still on his antlers?" his eyes got big and he said yes. I asked if he was huge, I mean enormous and healthy-- and also welcoming her? He said yes, he was bringing peace. I said... and the antlers were rounded on the tips and there were does and babies around them, too. I know, I had the same dream. Something in the dream told me that it had something to do with Jesus."

I look up stags, white deer and found that they are messengers from the "otherworld" in Celtic tradition and also are symbols for Christ. Other names for the stag is "Hart". Her doctor's name is Hart and the trauma doc is named something like Hartlong. Here's what else we found: "Allegory/Moral
The stag is a symbol for Christ, who tramples and destroys the devil. As the stags crossing a river help each other, so should the Christian crossing from the worldly life to the spiritual life help others who grow weak or tired. As the stag is renewed and sheds its horns after drinking from the spring, so those who drink from the spring of the spirit are renewed and shed their sins." Here:http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast162.htm

They gave her a breathing tube, a feeding tube and new antibiotics to give her all the resources available to fight this bug. So, lets hope the Stag opens a can of you know what on that devil ♥"

OK. Backstory: It was as if All of nature was welcoming her. The Stag wasn't Christ himself, but a manifestation of Christ Energy. Gosh, that sounds so weird, but thats what it told me. It was Majestic, frightening in the awe it carried. Light eminated around it and we were aware what a treasurable gift this was to experience. . 

Allright, so here it is October 28 and so much has gone on since then. If you continue reading FB (or this blog, lol), you'll see that there were ups and downs, denial, contradictions, declines, changing diapers- adult and a baby's, doling out morphine, dilaudid, atavan, a weeks worth of diarrhea diapers and MEDS that didn't touch it, nausea, throwing up, itching, with trial and error. I had told her over and over it was OK to go, we would be allright. She was so weak. 

This is so not what I want to blog about, but I've got to get some of this out. I'll let friends know a little bit at a time, but thats about it. And, just to let them know why their stuff isn't done yet or I'm late for something. I just had to take a minute.

Life's been hard recently and just when I thought it can't get any harder, it did. Mom had been chronically ill and on her last days/weeks/months, but I had to put being with her on the backburner to work at what I could to make ends meet. I worked my ass off painting, promoting, etc. The day that Mom got really sick, I broke and told Stephen to do what he had to do to get whatever job he could. I literally told him to stalk the HR people where he's sent resumes and meant it. 

Then, good news: we got relief when Stephen got word that he was hired in Seattle. I can't even remember the name of the place... Its going to be a drive, but I am so relieved. I'm just worried for him travelling that much and being tired. It is so hard to be ripped apart by having to choose between making a life for your child/family or spend your last experiences with your Mom. I chose and now I don't have to. Thank you, God.  

Tuesday, Sept. 10, Mom was admitted to the hospital with with colitis- caused by the serious chemo-type antibiotics that is supposed to help win the war against Nocardia pneumonia she contracted in June/July of this year. Long term steroid use (which is sometimes just one course) creates vulnerability to Nocardia. She had to go to the hospital... they took her off the antibiotics for the colitis. The Nocardia had no speedbumps and then took off like a shot and sepsis ensued (the infection is in the blood then).

Then septic shock. Seeing her there, swollen like a blimp and leaking fluid from her extremities and on a ventilator, was too much. There is a point in illness when you had rather bear the huge loss of a loved-one rather than see them hold on through suffering for you. You can let your loved ones go much easier than watching them suffer. I think that is how parents of terminally ill children survive the aftermath. I could survive Devyn's passing better than seeing him suffer- oh God. Just please don't ever put me, him, us through that, please, no part of that. No parent should.

So, these days are filled with getting up with less sleep under my belt than I'd like, trying to take care of Dev as best I can, grabbing a minute for computer work and chores, trying to keep more patience than I feel like I can handle at the moment, going to the hospital and loving Mom, coming home, doing dinner, staying up late and working. Its hard and sad, but its supposed to be. And I'm not doing it alone, Stephen is here and doing the best he can, too. 

I'm so grateful to love what I do and have a passion for it. Graphics, promo for the Stanwood-Camano Arts Guild, painting, loving people through what I do. As a gift from God, it has been my saving Grace. 

They took the ventilator out today, but her other numbers aren't looking good, but we'll see how that changes with this new antibiotic. She woke up talking about Mary, Mary, Mary Magdalene. Her mind isn't here and she's in between places and the Angels, Spirits, Guides are helping her to let go here by forming relationships there. They know she won't let go because of the love she has here. That is what I think is going on. I really think they tried earlier and it didn't work- she's a clinger and she wouldn't let go. This time, they're taking their time and easing her into it- but that means her body feels more pain than we here want to see her feel. 

I can't wait to share the dream that Stephen and I had. It'll be a painting, probably one of my best. Just when I think things can't get more beautiful, rich, mysterious or unbelievable, it does.  

 

Dear readers, if you have suggestions of what to do about this (who to send it to, make a petition, etc) please leave a comment. I will read them all and take them very seriously. 
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
TO:         Whom It May Concern
FROM:    Linda Hill, et al
RE:         Invention Proposal to Stop Mass Spree Killings
DATE:   December 18, 2012

Problem: We won’t ever control people's sanity. Solution: We can control the guns they steal from us.

The design: a removable steel or heavy plastic fingerprint-reading lock placed over guns’ & rifles’ safety so the can't get to it to turn it off.

The logic: If a gun’s safety can’t be turned off, it can’t be used. The inspiration came from my laptop's fingerprint reader that takes ONE second to scan & “unlock”. Other locks won't work because combinations can be figured out (its usually a number the family member knows anyway) & keys get stolen, but a fingerprint belongs to just ONE person.

If no one besides the registered firearm user can unlock the safety:

• ·       Gun is safe from use by the mentally unstable
• ·       Gun is safe from use by children & other family
• ·       Family is safe from it being found & used against them first in home invasions
  
• ·       Registered user is safe from accidental firing during transport, storage, rest
• ·       Recreational activities won’t be limited since the authorized print has to be used to         unlock the device. Unlock it and go.
  
•     Other benefit is that firearm’s use will then be  restricted to approved users & settings by the person who has to unlock it.
• ·       Invention discourages thieves. If they can’t break it off & use it or resell it, stealing it is pointless.
• ·       Invention won’t hinder emergency use as it takes one second to swipe the print & unlock
• ·       It allows police & military the peace of mind when they are off duty (officer’s child here in WA shot & killed his other child with the officer's own gun)

Other ideas for print safety lock:

• fingerprint locks can be placed on guns, gun cases, cabinets or any other gun storage container so collectors & enthusiasts can still collect
• fingerprint recognition can be for the registered gun owner & qualified additional users. All other users of that gun can go through the same registration procedures as the gun purchaser
• registered fingerprints could be put into other data bases (some folks will not like that, but so what)
  

This doesn't affect our Second Amendment rights, rather, the safety feature will emphasize a willingness to be responsible firearm owners. We, as a nation, have to take whatever action necessary to keep our guns out of the hands of those that intend to do us harm. A fingerprint is the only thing we have distinctly our own. The drawbacks: It won’t save the lives of those registered gun owners who snap or forget to lock the guns back up. It won’t stop someone willing to kill the owner to get their fingerprint; However, dismembering another person might be discouraging. This invention will cost owners, but we can keep cost down if we can find distributors willing to make it for the security of our children’s lives rather than their wallets’. For the price of a good helmet or car safety features, we should welcome this new addition.

What is asked of you is to either forward this email to people or get me a list of people you think would go forward with this project:

• ·       inventors
• ·       potential contributors
• ·       potential supporters

I don’t care to be rich; I want my little boy safe. My dream for this proposal is to make this thing & put it on mass killing weapons (maybe all legal handguns, it depends) within a reasonable amount of time. If we can make helmet laws & seatbelt laws to save lives, we can apply this device to solve this issue.  I am a parent who will not take no for an answer & neither should you. I am just an artist with little resources & a proposal that desperately needs your help.

With sincerest hopes of hearing from you,

The Hill Family
Stephen & Linda Hill

This would stop 1. Gun thefts (because no need to steal a gun when you can't unlock it to use it) 2. Accidental firings from kids. 3. Mass murders from unstable/disgruntled relatives of people who own guns. It won't stop the actual gun owner of going postal, however.

The second saddest thing that happened this year is that a former student of mine died from an accidental gun shot wound in her back. Her name was Sadie Marguerite Warden. We met at an art fair and it was clear to me from meeting her once that she was a bright, loving, fun, goofy, talented, energetic and compassionate girl. She was 13 years old. 

This is a good idea and solves several problems and disagreements at once. The problem is that I don't have the connections or money to do this by myself, but I'm going to try anyway, so help me God I will. If I had the money and know-who, it would be done already.

I'm writing in short choppy sentences because my brain feels frozen in shock. I sat down to rock Devyn to sleep for his nap. I turned on Dr. Phil to bore him to sleep, although its something that interests Mommy. On the TV, instead of the trivialities of the usual commercials, was this special NBC news report of a man telling everyone that someone had shot 20 children and 7 adults dead.

My brain just couldn't make sense out of what it was seeing and hearing. While listening and trying to mentally digest this information, I tried to rock Devyn at my normal pace, hugging him at our normal strength, but grief overcame any attempt at normalcy. Instead, I hugged him tighter, longer and closer and told him how precious he is to me. After laying him down on his blanket, I started to sob.

Like everyone else, I go from numbing shock, anger, to sadness over and over today. I am so angry that this keeps happening and more regulation or less guns isn't an option for some folks who hide behind their "rights". I am so sad for the parents, we can't hear of something like this without putting ourselves in their shoes. I would have been home washing clothes, putting dishes away or working on our website and art business. The TV would show breaking news and then the realization would hit that that was Devyn's school.... and there is nothing that can be done to make the pain go away after that.

As a nation, we don't have the funds to put together all of the safety precautions needed to weed out crazy people/guns in public places. What is left to do? We can't do nothing. We can't allow business as usual to go on when the business as usual is this horrific.

Do I have a gun? Yes. Its hidden in this house in a safe place. Will it be locked up when Devyn is old enough to climb to get it? Yes. Am I going to go batshit nuts and shoot dozens of people? No. Do I have the need for something that can shoot over and over and over at high speeds? No. Do I think anyone else needs that as a citizen on this continent? No.

We, as a nation, have to accept that crazy people, bad people, evil people exist and then determine what we are going to do to protect ourselves from their ability to get guns and use them against the innocent children and people in our society. We have to limit their rights, increase our security in some way even if that means limiting our rights in the process. I will sacrifice mine to save our children.

But there are those who won't and these people haven't been on the receiving end of some deranged, sick fucker's gun. I think these folks have a lack of empathy or imagination and they will get in the way of any kind of control that can safeguard our kids by blocking legislation. But just know that I will give up some of my rights to keep our children safe. These dead children deserve that. Our living children deserve that.