Even though Fran is here, I don't understand whats holding me together. It is as if me has been pushed aside inside and I'm watching from another place from inside, safe. Is this dissociation? It is an answer to a prayer, however.
I'm sitting here watching my Mom wither away in front of me while I change her diapers and keep her comfortable. I've got a cute toddler running around and into everything, getting bored and wanting attention. I'm running to try to meet the needs of so many. I see her cold and shivering and in pain (massive headaches) and so itchy and nauseated she gets no peace, but none of this is entering inside my personal experience.
It was the prayer to God that I be protected so that I can be what is needed for her, Devyn and Stephen. If this really sank in and the feelings were as intense as it looks like while viewing this situation, I would run from it. I am so grateful.
Since I can't change it and this is how it is, I'm grateful for the protection. Life has got to go on, its got to keep moving. I just pray that this protection lasts until the day I die because if it hits, when it hits, I just don't know. They gave her 2 weeks and that was last Thursday. Then, her "due date" will be Halloween.
I'm sitting here watching my Mom wither away in front of me while I change her diapers and keep her comfortable. I've got a cute toddler running around and into everything, getting bored and wanting attention. I'm running to try to meet the needs of so many. I see her cold and shivering and in pain (massive headaches) and so itchy and nauseated she gets no peace, but none of this is entering inside my personal experience.
It was the prayer to God that I be protected so that I can be what is needed for her, Devyn and Stephen. If this really sank in and the feelings were as intense as it looks like while viewing this situation, I would run from it. I am so grateful.
Since I can't change it and this is how it is, I'm grateful for the protection. Life has got to go on, its got to keep moving. I just pray that this protection lasts until the day I die because if it hits, when it hits, I just don't know. They gave her 2 weeks and that was last Thursday. Then, her "due date" will be Halloween.
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