Its so hard to photograph one of these kinds of paintings! The glare is from all the transparent glass-like sheen, a killer to photo, but thats why I like it. OK, at the top left going clockwise, is his little brown hen's portrait. She was always on his mind, like the Elvis song, and is therefore over his head, and is always held to the highest like in her life. Her background is Mona Lisa's background. The image in front of The Good Man is also his hen, showing how he sings his love song "Unchained Melody", probably one of the most danced-to songs ever, and is probably what he felt after she passed away before he did. (Yes, animals do grieve.) He wraps her in his song. Above her head is written "She knows she's loved." This might be about her, but its more about me :) When you find a "good man", you know you're loved.

The music goes into his chest and becomes part of him because he makes it--- a creator cannot make something that isn't of him/herself, you cannot give what you don't have, as they say.

The lower right image is his bright, strong, stout legs that defended nests, dug food and showed both boundaries and kindness. In person, you can see the various shades of green at different levels of depth through the clear resin. The barbed wire is the barbed wire I wish we'd had when the neighbor's dogs had gotten loose.

The last image, the lower left, shows me really trying to capture all the colors in his feathers at once, capturing time in one glance. The only thing I could think of that held that many colors simultaneously is glitter. His feathers dangled down like earrings sometimes, like leaves and fruit from a branch, hence that odd looking decorative deely-bob on his tail.

His feathers are also referenced in the interference and iridescent colors used in the resin-glass pieces. If you look at it head on, you can see green, move to the left and you don’t see that one, but a purple sheen showing up somewhere else. The song wraps and creates both of them.

All in all, the entire color scheme is a suggestion of the time of year in which energy picks up: spring! Early spring has the chilly, frosty mornings and sunlight afternoons. Lil’ Dood was so happy around this time of year, full of himself and doing more dances and running around chanting “butter butt”.

The only thing I regret not doing was adding the chicks, but I suppose early spring is not the chick-time, so it can be overlooked. I may put a chick or two in there somewhere later.

"I took one for my creative team." Thats how I choose to look at it. We've all been there with our creative work, pearls among swine-- but how you deal with it is up to you. Confront right there, hand out a flyer, give 'em a walk off... but just don't stand there and allow it to happen to you.

My creative team is all those wonderful artists of all kinds out there who deal with this daily and can never say a word- and even for those that do say something. You're my sisters and brothers from the same Parent.

The first day I was tired and mildly annoyed. As time went on, my subconscious kept nagging at me, so I had to take the previous post and make a flyer out of it. I feel so much better now.

I wasn't as irritated with the people because they just *didn't know*, but I was really ticked off at myself for buying into that stingy attitude. I guess I was ignorant, too. Next time, I promise that I'm handing this out to people who complain because I'm not doing "free" work. Cuz.... I won't be mean, but I'm not letting it slide even tho I don't have the time to stop and discuss it right then.

If any other creative person wants the template for the flyer below, just let me know and I'll take out personal stuff and hand it over to you to change as you need. Just post a comment down there with your email and its yours.

Thank God my head finally shut up :) Moving on...

I’ve heard this statement enough times to have to make an information sheet. Its not offensive because its an opportunity to educate clients on what happens behind the scenes of HillArtistry. Basically, if I’m charging, that means the event hosts have not compensated me  for my services.

The short answer is “no” and if you’re curious, here is why-

First, I value my

    · clients and the supplies that is used on them.
            -I don’t use cheap face paint that you get at the Dollar Plus store (no                 offense Dollar Plus store). Don’t EVER use acrylic paint on your kids,             either! Its bad!
            -I personally make much of what goes onto your child’s face, especially             near their eyes and lips, so I know exactly what is in it because I don’t                 trust cheaply made paints with unpronouncable ingredients.
             -The pre-made colors that I buy are made in America, where I know we             have strict FDA guidelines to follow. China has been known for                     using LEAD, associated with decreased IQ scores and                             neurological damage in children.
    · supplies, the really COOL ones.
           -I use WICKED glitters and color changing pigments that actually                     change color as the light hits it or they move. No one else uses this,                     that I have seen.
          -Our brushes don’t fall apart and leave annoying hairs that get stuck in the             paint, children’s eyes, etc.
    · expertise- and this is why we have long lines.
          -I’m a professional with high standards and won’t do a heart, ladybug, or           some other silly thing that takes 2 minutes to do (unless that is what the               child wants-  because its about them :) You won’t see stencils, either :)
          -Many of the images I use are my own designs.
          -I rock as an artist, like the “Metallica” of artists and face painters.                   Sometimes you can’t tell because energetic kiddos twitch… but the more           still your little one is, the better these things come out. Sometimes I do               have a bad day and I give discounts according to my quality if I really jack           up something or can’t finish. It’s a matter of pride to be truly fair to the           people I appreciate-- YOU.

Secondly, I value my time to

    · upload your children’s pictures for you to print out in cropped, high                 resolution jpegs.
    · learn the safest ingredients and how to mix them to get the effects I (and         your child) want. Ordering, mixing, putting into containers, it all takes time.
    · thoroughly clean the brushes used on your child alone. (If I use one brush on     two kids, they are either siblings or I got confused and accidently grabbed it.)     Afterwards, the brushes are washed with hypoallergenic Dawn and then             de-stained and disinfected with alcohol.

Most importantly because I value

    · my family. All of this is time that could be spent with my son and husband.
    · my job. And it does what jobs do, like pay bills, buy gas, buy shoes and             medicine. I am a working mother and because we have bills and normal                 expenses, work has to get done. Don’t worry, I have a BFA with a minor in         psychology so this isn’t the only job I do. But I also wouldn’t come to your job     and expect you to do something for me for free. Just because it’s a blast and a     joy to paint children doesn’t mean that work isn’t getting done. This just             happens to be all you get to see, the most fun aspects of my job!

So thank you for having the courage to ask and the respect to appreciate what I do.

This is why I do what I do and what was going on outside while I was cleaning brushes:

In a word, YES. It took a long time, much fearful insights (not fearless. Courage comes from being afraid and doing what you know is right. Fearless is just... stupid. Fearless people don't have the sense to be scared, ha ha. BTDT in the teen years).

Now, life is good. We still have money troubles, an argument here and there, but the internal conflict and resolution are much easier because the agitated anxiety taught me to be open no matter how armored and spikey others are, to respect my value system, to stay away from people that don't "get" me and head towards healthy people who do. I also was gifted with the foresight to do what is right according to my conscience and for the greater good (can't even walk past litter w/out picking it up), so hopefully my art reflects this wisdom gleaned.

My art of the time is meant to be scary, funny and freaky. Thats how the situation was. My art now? Somewhat the same, but in a much more beautiful and spiritual context. God uses all sorts of experiences for his art supplies :)

So anyway, after watching Brene Brown, the painting's meaning finally became comprehensible. It is about how the outside world lives in a space of ego and armor and I didn't. Never have. I tried and it felt completely un-natural, so I shut up and shut down.

Because of this, the feeling of belonging never came to me (until many years later when I met fellow artists/sensitives). Until then, "Fitting in" was something completely alien, and never so evident as when I was in the throws of my breakdown. The scream came from the feeling of not being able to escape it, this emotional knowledge of the disparity between what is inside people and what they show. There is a real person in there somewhere beyond the armor and spikes. Although people's internal workings are none of my business, open-ness is a gift not many people give. Sad, because they get so much more out of the interaction.

The rabbit is the Velveteen Rabbit. Like the Velveteen rabbit, you become real once you have been loved to the point of pain (intimacy brings pain). Real relationships bring arguments and misunderstandings... the rabbit has a scar on its heart and also its wrist. Its in the shape of Edvard's original person, with the same acidic colors (agitated depression heightens adhd or any of your senses, everything feels like an assault). Besides that, check out the dudes walking up the pier. You can't get a read on them, they don't want to look you in the eye. The one without the spikes actually smiled.

In the background are the tell-tale trees painted by every MS gulf coast artist that shows. All the trees look the same, so since this is about not fitting in, I put them in there. Most of the artists of the region also painted shrimpboats and magnolias at some point, so I have a shrimpboat in the background (that didn't exist- due to Katrina) and after feeling shunned at several art shows there (and not from this painting, either, lol) I painted USS FU as the boat's name. 

The struggle of my entire life had revolved around this ONE topic. When no one lives in the space you do or is willing to take off their psychic clothes either, the hunger for intimacy of being real with another person like yourself creates a starvation, a famine of the soul. At the time, I didn't know why or where it was coming from, but the depression had stripped me of any psychic skin and exposed the real guts of the matter. God was part of this, but God had stepped into the background... I suppose to allow me to be taken apart to be put back together again. How many other artists cannibalize their creations to make something new and improved?

For more information about psychic upheavals and re-integrations, read here about "THE POSITIVE DISINTEGRATION THEORY"

This is about both #DaringGreatly & #vulnerability. This topic is the basis of courage (lifetime and creative) through vulnerability and it will take a while, so I may jump some abstract steps. This is the thing about anyone that makes other people comfortable, connected to others and themselves- and simultaneously its the thing that scares the hell out of others. It is a given in our culture that vulnerability is considered weakness (and women aren't any different than men here). Just through day to day life, its evident that many people see this as a risky venture.

Yet, this is the thing that makes art- paintings, movies, music- all breathtaking.

Case in point, I was honest at a public talk that I hated to give talks because I have a speaking phobia. One lady told me that I "didn't have to tall that". She was ashamed! It was so evident from the look on her face that she also had a speaking phobia and the thought of admitting she had a vulnerability triggered her own fear. I hugged her and told her it was ok. The more I thought, the more I realized many of my strong mentors are like this. Another anecdote are my friends who may laugh at bawdy jokes- even tell a few, love funny, risque cards, but to have one on their personal pages given by a friend? I thought I'd give someone a heart attack. IMO, I think that is sad. They were so afraid that they would be unfriended by something I (a stranger to the others) did, that they scrambled in fever pitch to get it off at 2 am. So afraid of judgement.... who would judge? Church people? Family? In-laws? How sad to not be yourself no matter where you are or who you're with. Take it from someone who has had the best and worst of friends and family: if they can't handle a curse word, they won't be there for you in hard times. If a word freaks them out, they're not worth the worry.

Not so for me, I'm incapable of living differently at this point. The thought made me want to upload my own art therapy paintings that are not on the mainstream Art Pages and discuss them. But, I have a new painting in mind. I've got a few under my belt already, in Art and People...pt. 2, but this one is going to be different. 

The painting is an internal portrait, the happiest place I've ever been- not bubbly-rose-colored-glasses kind of happy or even one that doesn't come through hard work and slide-backs, but a true contentment and satisfaction that living one's true life path brings. Your own honest-to-God value system. This piece is going to have funny, bawdy, loving, disturbing stuff shaped into a beautiful and spiritual scene. Thats been my life so far. If people don't like it, they can take it up with God :)

This security is the absence of subjective, yet universal, anxiety that comes from being open, real and transparent. No one has anything to find out and I'm not ashamed of anything. It sounds like an oxymoron when I say that I still do have shame. As in all of us, its a constant work in progress and I'll write about it. I'm not alone.

We all have it. Its that fear that there is something about us that will stop other people from loving, accepting or connecting with us. This is the thing that keeps us from writing the depths of our hearts, losing ourselves by belting out the song to the point of spit flying out of our squinched up faces, giving that talk that makes our hair stand on our arms (and everyone else's) and painting our truths (beautiful or ugly) to the ultimate of our potential that cause everyone to gasp.

This is what Robert Frost meant by "No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader." Of course! If you're scared to "go there", how can you take anyone else there? How can we, as creative people in no matter what we do, offer any kind of connection with deeper truths of humanity when we are afraid of opening up and seeing ourselves and allowing others to see us for how we truly are?

Back to Dr. Brene Brown (can be seen here), she articulates this part about human nature the best I've heard. Her book, Daring Greatly is just about that. I was taken aback when I saw her on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday because this is the thing that ended me up in therapy with a category 5 nervous breakdown. See Art and People pt 2.

If its not there yet, I'm working on it.... (as of 3/28/13)