Anyway, I digress... no matter who you are, real life happens. Right now, Stephen is still looking for jobs, still looking for ways to make any money. We have officially fallen on hard times, obviously. I'm looking for work, too, but instead of chasing every rabbit into a hole, I'm on the hunt and not wavering from HillArtistry.
I've gotten several jobs so far, one is shown above, for Heather Kline. The other was a Amanda's henna baby shower. It was just beautiful to do, really a beautiful experience to share and vicariously enjoy the creation and arrival of new life.
While I haven't been "raking in" the dough, there will be a time when I will be so busy I can't see straight. It just takes time. I won't be distracted from it and will be ready when it happens. And I love doing what I do.
Either way, its tough. When you're a Mom, you are at work 24/7- you never get the time to just put your shoulders down and relax. You always know something is going to be interrupted at any moment and it always is :) I'm not complaining, thats just how it is and how its supposed to be. I don't get time to do the things that will make us as successful as fast as either of us want because he has to be on the computer so much and Bun needs attention and love. That is never a conflict, my child simply comes first. Its hard to update a computer website with your baby holding onto your leg, crying and wanting to be held. The balance between the two worlds isn't something new to anyone with children.
I can't just whip out the paint and start painting, either. Kids eat that stuff. I'm working on two projects for Candie Tallquist, an oil painting on one of the old wooden toys she has and a "redo" on the other one. I messed up and can't start on part 2 of the piece because I'll sit my hand right into another piece of the painting. I already did it once--- I put drying medium into the paint, but drying medium doesn't work appropriately on hard substrates. Live and learn and relearn the things we forget, huh?
Point is, I LOVE DOING IT, its just that Stephen isn't available during the day, I only get nap times and after bed to work. Feels like there isn't enough time in the day.
Had to update the henna supply page, too. Thats something that can make profit without too much work because I have everything made right now.
I'll get to it tomorrow, I hope. I had a dream about Mom dying last night, my subconscious telling me that I know our time is limited and its gonna hurt like hell when it happens.
I'm worried about Mom's health and life span. She's doing better, but that is still just a fraction of what she used to be. I want to spend more time with her and Dev should, too. He's growing up way too fast. I haven't worked on his baby book because I'm so conflicted about it, happy and at the same time broken hearted and missing that itty bitty person he was. No one told me that motherhood would break your heart, but it does.
I'm worrying about Dev's social life, too. He needs friends and to be around other people--- he accosts other children when he sees them. He's starved for other kids his age. I'm going to start taking him to Firelight Bistro on Saturdays for Reading at Mary's corner. He's gonna love that.
I'm worried about Stephen's mental health. He's gained a bunch of weight, he gets bored or anxious and eats. All of his clothes are tight... this is not good due to his family history of obesity and diabetes. I don't want to see him have a stroke or heart attack, either, he wouldn't have the patience for himself if that were to happen.
Also I'm worried about the state of the world. As far as North Korea is concerned, you just can't fix stupid. Or delusional, unless they want to take the meds.
Another source of weirdness for me is the state of our natural habitat. I heard chain saws and felt that familiar gnawing over my belly button-- right in the solar plexis region, and it feels like part of me is being pulled out. Someone was cutting trees--- I just hope they leave the tall, old growth evergreens alone.
On a good note, Dev and I did get to go for a walk today and I cleared my head of all of the other "calgon, take me away" moments :) Robins were feeding and hopping in the yard.
OK, so I got it all out, tomorrow's agenda: finish the bird-house skate and start on the dog pull toy :)